Alchera
by NY BrAt 007
Summary: Shepard prepares for one of her hardest missions to date-saying goodbye to the ship she called home. ME2, pre-suicide mission, femshep.
1. Dr Chakwas

**This is my very first attempt at a Mass Effect story and I've been agonizing over writing this for about a week now, but here goes nothing!**

**This takes place during ME2, before the suicide mission but after recruiting all squad mates (except for Legion) and it'll end up being a four-parter. I don't own the game, Bioware, any company associated with it, yadda yadda. Reviews and critiques would be greatly appreciated! **

* * *

_Yeah, you can come down with me._

_Actually… no, this is something I need to do on my own._

_Would it be bad if I brought somebody with me?_

_I don't know if I can do this by myself._

_I'm not scared it's just… I'm not… I'm nervous. And a little scared. I don't even know what's out there._

This conversation, or a relative facsimile of this conversation, happened over and over once the Normandy SR2 was only an hour or so out from reaching their destination, the unforgiving, low density, carbon and ice planet known as Alchera. Four people had been lucky (?) enough to be standing before Commander Shepard as she voiced her concerns, asked for support and then quickly retracted that request.

_Dr. Chakwas had been the first one to be approached when Shepard received the e-mail from Admiral Hackett. Everybody else was so worried about fighting the Collectors (Grunt and Jacob) and arming themselves against the Collectors (Mordin and Jack) and making plans on how to take some kind of souvenir from the base (Zaeed) that she didn't want to bother them. Everybody else was focused on preparing the ship so they didn't crumble to the same fate as the first Normandy (Joker, Tali, Garrus, Donnelly and Daniels) so Shepard found herself (almost tentatively) entering the med bay and sitting next to the doctor._

_Chakwas was silent as she worked. She knew Commander Shepard was in the room but didn't press her to talk. For the most part, the crew was good for that. When Shepard wanted to make small talk, she'd drift from the Starboard port and gossip with Kasumi or travel to Zaeed's corner of the engineering deck and listen to his stories of war and rescue and greed and everything that made for a good story. But when the Commander was silent, they knew not to push her. Rupert had found that out the hard way one night when he was prying and Shepard had, in so many words, told him to fuck off and then, as an added insult, vow to 'never get him supplies from the Citadel again because fuck if she had time to do his grocery shopping'. And from then on Rupert knew better to coax the Commander into talking when she 'looked like she was having a bad day'._

_The white-haired doctor could sense her long-time friend fidgeting in her seat and decided to finally put her out of her misery. She set the data pad down and turned her chair around. "Is there something I can do for you, Commander?" Shepard looked up, blue eyes wide and Chakwas silently mused on how 'the best humanity had to offer' looked like she was about to break down and start crying. It wasn't like her and that was disconcerting. "You can talk to me, you know."_

_Shepard twisted the small silver around the index finger on her right hand and sighed. "I just received an e-mail from Hackett."_

_"How is he?"_

_"Oh… he didn't really say it was just… he gave me some news, made some requests, you know, the usual." Shepard tried forcing a smile but it felt fake and she knew Chakwas wasn't buying it so she took a deep breath. "They found the wreckage of the Normandy on Alchera. He wants to honor the ship with a monument and wants me to be the one to take the first steps on the site…" she trailed off and said something that nobody had ever heard come from the great Commander Shepard's mouth. "I don't know if I can do it by myself." Her voice was small; not at all what someone would expect from the woman who gave Captain Kirrahe a run for his money with her own version of his 'hold the line' pep talks and speeches._

_"Did you want me to see if a member of the Alliance is available?" Chakwas asked, uncertainty in her voice._

_"Actually I was wondering if you would come planet-side with me. The Normandy was your ship as much as it was mine."_

_Chakwas was floored. There were a million different scenarios and directions she pictured this conversation going, but Shepard asking for her help never even crossed her mind. She looked around the med bay and through the glass to the mess hall before focusing her attention back on Shepard. "Do you really want the ship's doctor with you on something important like this?"_

_Shepard shrugged, one side of the zipped-up hoodie falling from her shoulder. "You think I can do it by myself?"_

_"I think the Normandy is in dire need of its Commander, even if the poor ship is in pieces on some frozen wasteland."_

_"You're right," Shepard said as she stood up, pushing some hair from her face. "I shouldn't have even bothered you about something like this. I just… you're right. I can do this by myself." She had almost hugged the doctor but figured that would be weird and decided against it, instead smiling gratefully as she walked out of the med bay. And just as soon as her bravado appeared, it was gone and Shepard felt a chill run through her body._

_There was no way she could do this by herself, who was she kidding?_

_She spun on the heel of her boot and walked over to the elevator, pressing 'four' for the engineering deck. Tali was there when the ship was attacked, maybe she would agree to go._


	2. Tali

The elevator couldn't move fast enough and Shepard was bouncing from foot to foot until EDI's voice came through to politely remind her that it was not for playing. "Sorry Mom," she mumbled under her breath, fully aware that the AI could still hear her. Before anymore chiding could commence, however, the elevator stopped and Shepard walked out and turned to the left. It's not like she didn't want to talk to Gabby or Ken but she just… didn't want to hear about how the ship worked at _that_ moment.

Tali was hunched over her control panel, switching between muttering to her omni-tool and to herself. Shepard wasn't sure if this was the right time to be disturbing the young, quarian engineer but… hey, no time like the present, right? As casually as she would, Shepard walked over to the empty console and leaned on her hip. Tali didn't acknowledge her presence right away and Shepard was about to seriously consider her stance on opening up to more people, but the quarian's voice broke through that thought.

"Shepard, you were here fifteen minutes ago," Tali chided without looking up. "What can I help you with this time?"

"Oh… you know, just wanted to see how the drive core was working out. I see we're still in the air so that's a good thing."

Tali looked up from the screen and Shepard fidgeted a little, the quarians's glowing white eyes peering at her from behind the purple-tinted mask. She could swear they narrowed (but really, who could be sure with those masks) and nodded to reinforce her statement.

"Yes Shepard, we are still flying."

"Good! That's good!."

Gabby and Ken were, of course, eavesdropping and laughing at their commander's lack of social grace before she sent them a sharp look and they quieted right up, turning back to their work. Tali was still looking at Shepard like she'd grown another set of eyeballs and retracted her omni-tool before standing up straight. Something was definitely not right with her friend and now Tali felt like it was her person duty to, not only find out what it is, but remedy it as well. She motioned for Shepard to take a walk with her and the brunette nodded, following Tali down the short walkway to the window of the drive core. Shepard was quiet for a few moments until Tali nudged her in the side.

"What's going on?"

Shepard tucked some hair behind her ears and sighed, draping her arms over the railing as she stared ahead. "Did you ever get the feeling like you _need_ to do something but you have no idea if you'll actually get through it, mentally _or_ emotionally?"

"Shepard, I left my pilgrimage so I could help you fight Saren, because _I wanted to_," Tali started. "I knew I needed to do that after you, Garrus and Kaidan saved me from those assassins on the Citadel. When I stepped onto the _Normandy _I had no idea what I was getting myself into, let alone whether or not I was ready for something like that," she sighed. "_Keelah_ Shepard, I thought I was emotionally checked out after Virmire but I kept going because of you, because of the rest of the crew and because you made me believe in something that was larger than some quarian pilgrimage. My people don't usually do something if it's not beneficial to the fleet but this was for the whole galaxy. This is _still_ for the whole galaxy and I'm still here. You can't get rid of me that easy, you should know that by now."

The commander was speechless for a moment. She knew Tali was a passionate person, but she'd definitely been keeping all of that inside for a while. There was a feeling of guilt with what she was about to ask, but Shepard kept going. Actually she couldn't even do that at the moment and surprised them both when she stepped forward and hugged Tali tightly. The quarian was taken by surprise but eventually and somewhat reluctantly) reciprocated the hug before pulling back and holding Shepard away at arm's length.

"Shepard, what aren't you telling me?"

"Hackett sent me the location to the _Normandy_ crash site." Tali's hand fluttered up to where her mouth would be but said nothing. "And he wants me to put down a monument there and be the first person to set foot on the site. But the thing is… I don't know if I can do that by myself. She was my ship and I couldn't protect her from going down, I couldn't protect those crew members who didn't get the escape pods in time… hell Tali, I couldn't even protect myself!" She pressed the heel of her hands up against her eyes to keep from crying or hyperventilating or some other action that was extremely ill-advised for a commander and of course Tali took notice as she tentatively reached over and put a hand on Shepard's shoulder.

"You can't blame yourself for the Collector's attacking the ship—you were caught off guard as much as the rest of us and you risked your to save us, to save Joker," Tali said, disbelief coursing through her mind that _she_ was the one to be consoling the commander when it was usually the other way around. "There was nothing you could have done but you have a chance to make it right and make those _bosh'tets_ pay for making you lose those two years. If anybody can do this Shepard, it's you."

Shepard imagined there was an encouraging smile behind that mask and she nodded.

"This is something you need to do by yourself," Tali continued. "I didn't know most of those people but you knew them all. I wouldn't feel right being there."

"How did you…"

"I'm very perceptive Shepard," Tali said with what sounded like a smile. "Plus Kasumi's been teaching me how to really read people. It's been very helpful when having to deal with people like Zaeed and Jack. I can never tell if they really want to talk to me or are just planning how to get rid of me."

"Now you know that's not true."

Tali shrugged. "With all of these mercenaries and assassins you're bringing on board, I have to keep my guard up."

It was at that moment that Shepard knew talking about Alchera and the _Normandy_ were over and done with and they chatted for a few more moments until Tali excused herself, leaving Shepard alone to deal with her thoughts. And almost immediately she perked up. She hadn't hit _everyone_ who was on the original ship yet. Next stop, the main battery.


End file.
